Peter’s Restoration

A Retelling¹ from John 21:1-4 (and surrounding text)

“After this Jesus revealed himself again to the disciples by the Sea of Tiberias and he revealed himself in this way. Simon Peter, Thomas (called the Twin), Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two others of his disciples were together. Simon Peter said to them, ‘I am going fishing.’ They said to him, ‘We will go with you.’ They went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. Just as day was breaking, Jesus stood on the shore…”

Peter was confused. It had been a confusing week.

First there had been the anticipation and joy as Jesus entered Jerusalem in triumph.

Then the despair as he was suddenly betrayed by one of his best friends.

Then the disbelief as Jesus was tried by Jewish leaders and tortured by Roman soldiers.

Then the even deeper despair as Peter himself betrayed his Lord and Master.

Even now, sitting in the room with the other disciples, he still felt the doubt and despair and depression gnawing at him. He knew he should be feeling something else. Perhaps anticipation or hope or even joy. After all, he had already seen Jesus himself – alive and well – not once, but twice. His Lord was scarred, yes, but so clearly full of life and love and joy and power. But Peter’s shameful betrayal still plagued him by day and haunted him by night.

Lord, please take away this pain, this doubt, this despair. I am lost and confused and so desperate! Peter prayed.

Silence.

What do I do, Lord?

Silence.

“I am going fishing.” Peter blurted (vs 3).

His sudden declaration after hours of surly and moody silence surprised not just the other disciples, but also himself.

Where did that come from? Peter wondered. But the more he thought about it, the more right it felt. It was familiar work. Honest work. Hard work. Maybe it would be good to do something useful. Maybe it would help clear his mind and distract him from his confusion and his despair.

“We will go with you.” His friends replied (vs 3).

So Peter and his friends went out and fished. And fished. And fished. All night long they fished. And still they caught nothing. Peter felt more wrung out, more frustrated, more despairing than when he’d started.

As morning dawned and they sluggishly pulled in their last net, Nathanael elbowed Peter and whispered, “Who’s that guy standing on the beach watching us?”

Peter glanced up and grunted, “No idea.”

The man said to them, “Children, do you have any fish?” They answered him, “No.” (vs 5)

Then the man said, “Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” (vs 6)

The friends looked at each other and shrugged and they cast the net over one last time. As they drew the net back up, they lurched staggered. The boat started to list dangerously. John was the first to remember – he gasped and then he grunted out, “It is the Lord!” (vs 7). This was not the first time Someone had told them to cast the net out after a fruitless night of fishing (Luke 5:3-11).

Of course! Peter thought. He immediately ripped off his cloak and dove into the sea and swam for shore with frantic haste.

Peter trembled as he stumbled out of the water. Jesus motioned for him to come sit by the fire. As Peter walked up to the fire, he saw fish and bread ready to eat, but still Jesus said, “Bring some of the fish that you have just caught” (vs 10).

So Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of 153 large fish. And although it was more fish than he’d ever seen in his net, the net was not torn (vs 11).

“Come and have breakfast.” Jesus smiled and said to them. They were famished and immediately started eating. No one dared to ask who Jesus was. They just wanted to enjoy the moment. No one wanted it to end. Just sitting with Jesus and eating with him felt so good. Watching him smile at them as they messily ate the piping hot fish. Everyone was grinning like fools.

Everyone but Peter. Peter avoided eye contact and focused only on the food. He just couldn’t seem to bring himself to enjoy the moment like his friends were. All he could think about was the first time he’d met and heard Jesus. The first time he’d witnessed a miraculous catch of fish. Afterwards he had fallen at Jesus’ feet and declared, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord” (Lk 5:8). That moment was seared in his mind forever. It seemed like a lifetime ago. So much had happened since then. Surely, he had matured. Surely, he had grown. But no. He was no better than before. He had betrayed his Lord. He was still a sinful man. He felt even more sinful now than he had back then. What was wrong with him?

When they finished eating, Jesus looked at Peter and said, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” (vs 15)

Peter flinched. These words cut him to his heart. Jesus knew his heart like no one else. His pride. His competitive and combative spirit. His shame. His guilt.

Peter still couldn’t meet Jesus’ eyes but he managed to answer, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.”

Jesus replied, “Feed my lambs.” He paused and then asked again, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”

Peter glanced up at Jesus but saw only determined love shining from his eyes and so he answered again, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.”

Jesus replied, “Tend my sheep.” Again, a brief pause and then Jesus asked a third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”

Peter could not take his eyes off Jesus now. His heart was squirming like a landed fish, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t look away. Three betrayals. Three questions. Each question seemed to deflate him more, to pull more pride out of him. In a final anguished response, Peter replied, “Lord, you know everything! You know that I love you!” (vs 17)

And in that moment, Peter realized that it was true. He loved this Man. That was all that mattered to him. And that was all that mattered to Jesus. It was not about Peter’s failures or his successes. It was not about his performance or his mistakes. It was not even about his righteousness or his sin. It was about love. Peter felt the shame and the guilt and the doubt fade away. He was finally free. Free to love his Lord. Free to love his Savior. Not from his own strength or ability, but because he was already loved – without conditions, without expectations, without performance requirements. “We love because he first loved us” (1 Jn 4:19).

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Can you relate to Peter’s sense of confusion? His questions and his uncertainty?

When you are confused and do not know what to do, it may be wise to simply ‘go fishing.’ Do what you know how to do. Do something mundane. Something concrete. Something familiar. Something solid and helpful. Do the next thing². God often delights to meet us in these mundane moments. Perhaps some miraculous provision might come just as the dawn breaks. And if not, in the end, the provision we need above all others is to know and to sense and to enjoy the presence of Jesus Himself. And this is something that will always come. The dawn will always break. Jesus will always reveal himself to us in the end.

Can you relate to Peter’s despair? His shame? His guilt?

It can be good to despair for a season. It can be healthy to wallow in our sins because it renews a right spirit within us – a spirit of need, of dependence, of brokenness. Self-righteousness, not self-despair is our greatest danger. It is only through brokenness that healing comes. We are lifted up in gracious triumph only after we fall on our knees in self-despair. The one who has been forgiven much, loves much (Lk 7:47).

But Jesus will not leave us to despair for long. He will restore us with gentle and tender love. “A bruised reed he will not break and a smoldering wick he will not quench” (Matt 12:20, Is 42:3). “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matt 11:28-29). Let your despair, your shame, your guilt drive you into the arms of Jesus. It is there, in the gentle love of Jesus, that you will find rest for your weary soul.

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¹For similar Bible stories ‘fleshed out’ with some sanctified imagination, read Jon Bloom’s book Not by Sight.

²Do the Next Thing (thegospelcoalition.org)

³See Dane Ortlund’s excellent book Gentle and Lowly for more encouragement in this vein.